The Coaching Mistake That Almost Broke Me and the Framework That Saved Me

Coaching is one of the hardest parts of leadership and I learned that the hard way.

When I first moved from being an individual contributor to a leader, I thought coaching meant carrying my team. I believed my job was to have every answer, jump in at every sign of trouble, solve every problem, and of course, do it all faster and better. At least that was the story I was telling myself.

In reality, all I did was exhaust myself and unintentionally signal to my team that I did not trust them to figure things out on their own.

You can imagine how effective I was back then.

The Rookie Mistake I Will Never Forget

I still remember a moment a few companies ago when a CSM on my team came to me with an issue. Their customer was not using the product because they were drowning in competing priorities and limited resources. We both knew that if they did not get back on track, churn was a matter of time.

And what did I do?

I leaped straight into action mode. I rattled off a long list of next steps like I was performing in a speed round of a game show. I was so focused on fixing the problem that I completely missed the coaching opportunity in front of me.

It was a classic rookie mistake and it took me a long time to admit how often it happened.

I thought I was helping, but what I was really doing was disempowering my team.

Coaching Did Not Come Naturally. I Needed a Framework.

As I developed as a leader, I realized I needed to stop rescuing and start coaching. But coaching did not come naturally to me. I needed tools and structure to guide these conversations and keep me from jumping straight into solution mode.

That is when I discovered the GROW Coaching Method. It changed everything about the way I led my teams.

GROW is simple, but it is powerful.

Goal

Reality

Options

Will

It gave me a way to guide the conversation without taking over the conversation.

What GROW Looks Like in Real Life

To show how practical this method is, here is an example that follows each step.

Goal

What outcome are you trying to achieve?

Example: “I want this customer to re-engage with onboarding so we can get them live before renewal.”

Reality

What is actually happening right now?

Example: “They are not responding to emails. They say they are understaffed and juggling other priorities. I have not spoken directly with the decision maker yet.”

Options

What are the possible actions you can take? Explore more than the first idea.

Examples:

“I could escalate internally and align with our exec sponsor.”

“I could schedule a reset call with their leadership team.”

“I could design a lighter onboarding plan to reduce friction.”

“I could connect them with a similar customer who succeeded despite limited resources.”

Will

What will you commit to doing and by when?

Example: “I will draft an executive alignment email and send it to my VP today. I will reach out to their champion to schedule a 20 minute leadership reset call this week.”

This method forced me to slow down. It encouraged my team to think critically, build confidence, and make decisions. It helped me step away from being the fixer and step into being the leader they needed.

How GROW Made Coaching Click for Me

Once I started using GROW, coaching no longer felt like a vague idea. It became a real muscle I could strengthen. And the more I used it, the more I noticed the shift.

My team became more confident and resourceful.

Problems surfaced earlier.

Decisions were stronger.

Trust grew in every direction.

I recently shared this framework in my Pavilion leadership course and received so much positive feedback from leaders who said it finally made coaching feel doable. That feedback meant everything to me because I know firsthand how hard this part of leadership can be.

Try It. It Works.

If you are a leader who wants to coach more effectively but is not sure how to structure those conversations, try the GROW method. It is simple, it is practical, and it forces you to guide instead of take over.

And if you have a coaching framework you swear by, let me know. I love collecting tools that help leaders build better teams.

Coaching is not about being the hero. It is about helping your people become the heroes of their own stories. GROW gave me the structure to finally understand that.