Accept Feedback with Grace (Easier Said Than Done)

“Accept feedback with grace.”

This was one of the best pieces of advice I’d ever been given.

Also, one of the hardest for me to follow.

I’m a Words of Affirmation girlie. I like knowing I’m doing a good job. I like hearing that things are working. So early in my career, feedback didn’t feel like guidance. It felt like a report card. If someone had feedback, my brain immediately translated that into: you’re not doing enough or your work isn’t great.

It felt like failing a test.

So naturally, I reacted exactly how you’d expect. I would defend. Explain. Over-justify. Or smile, nod, and then spiral privately later. None of which actually helped me grow. It just made feedback feel heavier than it needed to be.

It took me a long time to realize that most of the feedback I was receiving wasn’t about me as a person. It was about perspective. Context. Blind spots I couldn’t possibly see from inside the work. Once I understood that, things started to shift. Slowly.

It also took me a while to accept that I don’t have to agree with all of the feedback I receive. I don’t have to implement every suggestion. But I do have to be able to hear it. Really hear it. Without my ego jumping in to defend me before I’ve even processed what’s being said.

That was the real work. Figuring out how to actually receive feedback without immediately reacting to it.

Here’s what helped me.

First, I learned to listen for intent, not just the words. People don’t always deliver feedback perfectly. Sometimes it’s clunky. Sometimes it’s rushed. Sometimes it’s not wrapped in the nicest bow. But if the intent is to help you improve or see something differently, that’s the part worth paying attention to.

Second, I started asking clarifying questions instead of jumping into defense mode. Things like, “Can you give me an example?” or “What would you have liked to see instead?” That shift from reaction to curiosity changed everything.

Third, I worked on separating my identity from my work. Feedback about a presentation, a strategy, or a decision is not feedback about my worth as a person. When you can make that distinction, feedback becomes data instead of a personal attack.

Fourth, I began looking for patterns. One comment might just be someone’s preference. But if I hear similar feedback from multiple people, across different situations, that’s a signal worth paying attention to.

Fifth, I gave myself permission to decide what to use and what to leave. You don’t have to take every piece of feedback and run with it. But you do have to consider it thoughtfully before deciding whether it’s relevant.

Sixth, I learned to assess the source. Is this someone who understands the context? Someone invested in my growth? Someone with a perspective I value? Not all feedback carries the same weight, and it’s okay to filter accordingly.

And finally, I try to stay focused on the goal, which is growth. Not perfection. Not universal approval. Growth. Feedback, when used well, accelerates that.

As I moved into leadership roles, I became much more aware of the other side of this equation. Giving feedback is important. It’s part of helping people grow, improve, and succeed. But just because feedback is necessary doesn’t mean it’s easy to receive. Even for high performers. Even for people who say they want it.

So I started asking my team one simple question: “How do you like to receive praise and feedback?”

Some people want it direct and in the moment.

Some prefer a heads-up.

Some want context first.

Some need time to process.

At the very least, asking that question helped me deliver feedback in a way that people could actually hear. Because delivery matters. Timing matters. Tone matters. And the goal isn’t just to give feedback. The goal is for it to land.

We all like to say we’re open to feedback. It sounds good. It signals a growth mindset. But being open to feedback and actually receiving it are two very different things.

Receiving feedback well is a skill. One that takes practice, self-awareness, and a whole lot of humility.

Still working on it.